I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
