why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
