Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
