is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
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I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
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Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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