you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
