dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Your penis caused this!
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