Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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