So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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