Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
