whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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