Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
