Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
