Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
