that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
