A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I need a beard to bite.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
