I saw his package. It spoke to me.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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