Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
honey bunches of taint.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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