my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
