Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I supernannyed him into submission
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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