respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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