peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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