i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
