If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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