I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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