he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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