Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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