First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
