And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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