Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
