she woke up with a sticky ear
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
