apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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