I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
