Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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