don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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