Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so explain again why im purple
no
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
