I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
