is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
