i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
