I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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