I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
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we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
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Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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