BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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