When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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