He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i barfeds in our rink
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
