I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
