She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Sorry about my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just puked most of my soul out..
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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