at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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