went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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