then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
