also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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