Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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