i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
