why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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