Please, let me fuck your mom
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's just like the Real World with babies
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
