The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
