Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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