broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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