He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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