she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
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he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
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If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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