i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i think i have two assholes
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
