FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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