Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
