When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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