I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize